Trouble on two wheels

Just got another missive from Cambria Bicycle Outfitters…seems that Giro has a new helmet out. The Aspect…suggested retail price tag of one hundred and seventy five dollars.

Lets get sumpin’ straight right outta the hatch. There ain’t nothing you can do to a bicycle helmet other than have Troy Lee paint it right in front of you that would make it intrinsically worth more than twenty bucks.

Nothing. Nothing at all. It’s foam and fucking plastic.

Did you know that you throw em away after kissing the pavement just once. It’s true.

The trendies like em though. Same crowd that’s at them damn Zoo concerts.

The free range chicken crowd, Know them by their deeds.

I’m getting old. I could use some head protection.

The other one.

New Zoo Review…who knew?

Miss Robin, Nestor and I made it out to the Friday night concert at the zoo…hmmm.

Audience participation and long fucking name dropping stories…doesn’t this chick have any regular friends?

Perla Batalla, wonderful singer, but, in my opinion talent looking for a genre. She sang my favorite song…Koo Koo Karoo Paloma….butchered it. It’s intended to be a duet. Sang some Pete Seeger too, and lots of Leonard Cohen…like I say, talent looking for a genre.

Sang Volver too, already had a speech prepared for the occasion. Something along the lines of how it wouldn’t be hard to get “this crowd” to sing along. Ostensibly because, you know, being in Albuquerque, of course, the audience would be teaming with Hispanics….it wasn’t, just pretty much Nestor and some tattooed kid doing community service.

Don’t get me wrong I like white people, I’m white too, I’m not proud of it, but, esta verdad amigos…esta verdad.

Pedro…the great white dope.

Nestor does the Nob Hill Summerfest

Lots of folks have written and asked after witnessing a rather large Hispanic male in a seafoam green pantsuit dancing near the mainstage at Saturdays street concert; was that indeed Nestor shaking it down to the unique song stylings of “Arrested Developement” ?

It was.

The complete lack of rhythm and timing was your first clue. That and the choker he was wearing…Rodrigo made it for him in rehab…That’s two things that don’t work…rehab and plastiweave.

Miss Robin and I were there too, but, keeping things a little more “grounded” shall we say…somebody has to drive home you know.

For me it’s about the people watching, these things…never miss ‘em.

Glad to know that “plaid shorts” are still a reliable indicator on a middle aged woman to help signify the dominant participant in a lesbian relationship. You kids knew that right? Kinda like the black guy always being the “smartest guy in the room” in any space movie. It’s a constant.

Or submarine movie for that matter…Bon Jovi…UB 571, the black cook in 1943 not only could drive the German U boat, but, he also cracked the code of the infamous “Enigma” cypher generator/translater…and cooked a delightful Bouillbaisse, if the promos are to be believed.

Black people are scary smart in the movies, you put that out there long enough pretty soon you got a scary smart guy in the White House.

Pedro

Nestor and Pedro…freedoms fortunate few

As some of you might recall Nestor and I made a short trip to San Antonio last month. We went thru the border checkpoints. Heading into Texas smooth sailing… leaving El Paso was another story.

With twenty thousand of these orphan refugees pouring in weekly this prick was snarling at me. I didn’t answer any of his questions, I just kept asking if I was free to go, eventually, I was. Thank you Infowars. And Youtube. “How to refuse a border checkpoint”

A lot of people don’t know it, but, there’s a battle on for your mind. In Nestor’s case it will simply be a short skirmish.

He’s a little simple that one, but, a good egg.

Pedro

Sorry I’m Late

Where to start, where to start?

Let’s start at the beginning. Friday night. Miss Robin and I caught the outdoor concert at the Zoo, an act called “Green River Ordinance”, Now, I like Americana as much as the next colored man…but, this was more background music…it was “okay”…every song after a while required “help” and mindless participation from the audience…just fucking play. For the love of Mike, just fucking play.

And as an aside, if you’re going to pick up a mandolin, possibly the most sublime of all the stringed instruments…learn to solo. I did. And I’m an effin’ hack. I’m not even a real Mexican. Sheeesh…

I got up this morning and was reading the local newspaper… “Best of Albuquerque” readers choice…these polls in most towns, in order to be fair to the truly exceptional now have different categories for say “best hamburger” and best “fast food chain hamburger”, otherwise, it simply degenerates into a name recognition contest…think about it.

The best hamburger you will ever eat in this town is to be found at Five Guys…see for yourself…and I’m sorry, but, the best local band is not the “Pink Flamingoes” who the fuck ever heard of that…Try Chris Ravin on a night that he’s really liquored up…The Wagogos, or even Tobias Rene, when he’s not pushing his latest chickie babes’ daughter’s best friend who sang at church once…that is some of the best we have to offer.

Pink Flamingoes…I got your Pink Flamingo swinging.

Now, I’m sorry you guys got me started.

Miss Robin and I took the bikes up to the trails on Tramway…nothing but white people as far as the eye could see, I enjoyed it though, I’ll be back.

Pedal Power

Miss Robin and I test rode her new bike last night…well, after she sampled the ol’ Soupbonus Africanus…in the interest of truth. At any rate, the Trek Marlin 5 held up well.

Miss Robin is a little boney and the seat post was a tad low also, throw in a Blossom hat and rainbow Sketchers to the mix, and, well, you get the picture.

We’re getting a little long in the tooth. The both of us. Truth be told.

The sex was remarkable though, it usually is. Don’t be afraid of getting old, your vision goes too so everything kinda evens out.

There were no performance issues. Not with the heat I’m packing. Nothing.

It’s good to be me.

Pedro

Credit where credit is due

Bought Miss Robin a new mountain bike last night…on credit. That’s the kind of colored man I am…Too embarrassed to be seen riding my Cannondale next to a fifty nine year old woman on a Huffy.

My bike, it’s the same model Tinker Juarez rode in the olympics for crying out loud. I’m not toolin’ around with a Huffy rider.

That olympic debut didn’t go so well, as I recall, seems they didn’t factor in for thorns and impact flats…sheeesh.

Yeah team.

I’m not a team guy, with the possible exception of the me ‘n’ Nestor deal, but, that gos way back…don’t get me started there.

He’s still hittin’ that pantsuit with the Oxyclean…effin’ moron.

Why do I even bother?

Well, I’m going to make myself some black bean and avocado tostadas you kids stay outta trouble.

Pedro